Space Magnets
by Solsbury Girl
Summary: Space magnets threaten to land Ianto in hot water.


**Space Magnets**

Ianto and Jack sat at a little table that was decked with a cheerful red chequered tablecloth in a café in near Bute Park, relishing the warmth and a chance to rest after a cold morning hunting elusive Weevils on the streets of Cardiff. It was the middle of winter, rain had been teeming down all morning and all they had found was one of Owen's tracker devices, which had obviously fallen off a previously tagged Weevil. It was lying by the cover of a sewer.

The sewers held little appeal for either man at any time, especially today given the rapidly rising water levels. So they had waited in the rain for two hours to see if the Weevil emerged. Each, secretly, was grateful when it didn't. With the SUV back at base in the carpark, it would have represented something of a logistics problem if they'd had to capture the creature and get it to the Hub unnoticed. They had been on their way to pick up doughnuts when Owen had phoned from the Hub with the Weevil alert and were on foot.

But nothing happened at the sewer. Absolutely nothing. Nothing emerged from the drains. However, the rain continued to pour down. And after two hours, and soaking wet, they were thoroughly miserable and decided to call it a day in order to seek out the reassuring warmth of a nearby café which they had been eyeing for the last hour and the restorative powers of a cup of coffee and something for lunch.

* * *

When they arrived, the waitress was clearly instantly attracted to Ianto, even though she was at least 10 years older than he. As she brought the menus for them, she flashed a pitying look at Ianto, who looked particularly bedraggled. He'd only had a light raincoat, Jack had been wearing his greatcoat, which was considerably better at keeping the rain out and the warmth in. The coats were dripping on a rail near the door.

"Would you like a towel, love? You can pop into the Gents and dry off a bit while your food is cooking." Then, remembering herself, she said to Jack "and you can have one too."

Jack raised his eyebrow and was about to make a salacious comment but stopped as Ianto kicked him into silence under the table and he forewent the double entendre.

With hair towel dried, both men felt better. They felt even better as the waitress put their food in front of them. Ianto sighed with pleasure as he picked up the first half of his piping hot cheese, ham and tomato toastie. Jack had opted for a full English breakfast, even though it was nearly lunch time. A piece of toast each that morning hadn't sustained them for long. But it was all the bread Ianto had in the house. They'd been too late home the previous night and all the shops were shut.

They ate quickly in contented silence. All Torchwood staff had learned that eating quickly was the only sure way to get at least most of a meal. Even off duty, they were on duty and many meals had been left half eaten in the course of duty.

Ianto's phone, which he had placed on the table, vibrated. It was now standard Torchwood practice to keep phones silent during work hours. Both Gwen and Owen had pushed that policy through shortly after what had happened when Rhys had phoned in the middle of the traumatic events with Lisa. Ianto picked it up and looked at the screen. Jack could see that it was obviously relaying footage from the Hub carpark. Ianto switched the sound on, and Jack could hear Owen's voice calling "Teaboy! Teaboy talk to me now! If you don't pick up and talk to me this instant, you are dead. Actually, you are fucking dead anyhow!"

Not wanting to discuss Torchwood business in the middle of a café crowded with lunchtime diners, Ianto reluctantly went back into the rain to speak to Owen.

He was gone quite a long time. Jack finished his own meal. When Ianto returned, he was dripping wet again. He sat down and picked up the second half of his toastie. He took one bite then put it back down, pushing the plate away as if the food had suddenly become radioactive.

"Don't you want that?" asked Jack, starting to reach for it.

"No, I'm not hungry any more."

"Do you mind if I finish it then?" The hopeful reach extended further.

"No, go ahead."

Something about the young man's tone stopped Jack in his tracks, mid grab. "Is everything OK?" he asked. "I thought you said you were really hungry. You've only had half a sandwich. You need more than that after the morning we've had."

"I was. I am." replied Ianto.

"Well, eat your lunch, then."

Ianto shook his head. "I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because of the Space Magnets."

Jack looked Ianto straight in the eyes but there was no glimmer of humour, no suggestion that he was setting Jack up with one of his droll and dry observations. All Jack could see was misery.

"Space magnets?" asked Jack.

"Yeah, the space magnets."

Jack reached across and felt the young man's forehead. There was no sign of fever. If anything, he seemed a little cold but that was only to be expected after a morning out in the rain.

"What, in heaven's name, is a space magnet?"

"I showed them to you yesterday. My sister's kids brought them back from the Kennedy Space Center for me when they went on holiday to Disney in Florida. They got home at the weekend. Brychan and Bronwyn wanted to bring me a present, so they got me those extra strong magnets."

"Oh!" said Jack, suddenly realizing that Ianto was referring to the two highly polished pieces of oval hematite with which Ianto had annoyed everyone the previous day by continually throwing them in the air to hear the buzzing, rattling, zinging noise they made as their powerful magnetic attraction pulled them back together when they collided in mid air. Then he looked puzzled. "What is it about yesterday's favourite toy that now has you looking so glum?"

"Well, I just got through being yelled at by Tosh."

Jack could hardly believe his ears. "What, our Tosh? She's never yelled at anyone or anything in her life!"

Ianto grimaced. "Well, she has now. And I think she has had some vocabulary lessons from Owen."

"What did you do to get her angry?" inquired Jack, trying not to smile at the thought of Tosh going off the deep end at Ianto and letting fly with a mouthful of choice swear words. He wished he'd heard it. He made a mental note to check the CCTV footage when they got back to the Hub.

"It seems that, last night, when I was cleaning her desk, I was fiddling with the magnets. Near her computer, which had almost finished a program she had been running in the background for three days. I totally forgot that a strong magnetic force can play havoc with things like televisions and PCs. To tell the truth, I forgot I was even holding those magnets. They are so tactile. Apparently I crashed her computer and ruined the program."

He reached into his jacket pocket and produced the magnets, separating them, tossing them in the air, listening to them rattle as they vibrated against each other in mid air. He looked lovingly at them. After the fifth time, Jack snaked out a hand and caught them before Ianto could.

"Stop. That's enough. Everyone is looking at us." he cautioned.

Ianto frowned. The frown actually looked like it was about to turn into a pout but he caught himself just in time. "Jack, they always look at us. It's that ridiculous coat you wear."

Jack looked momentarily hurt but then realized that there was still more to drag out of Ianto. He put the magnets into the inside pocket of his jacket, steepled his fingers and looked across the top of them at the miserable Welshman.

"There's more, isn't there?" he asked, rather more kindly.

Ianto nodded. "You know I said that Owen taught Tosh those words?"

It was Jack's turn to nod. "Mmmmm," he said noncommittally.

"Well he taught them to her a few minutes before she said them to me. Actually, I think she just picked them up off him when they were in the SUV. In the carpark. Rushing out to a Rift spike that dropped an alien Hogweasel to the southwest of Cardiff. Near Rhoose."

"Not at the…?" started Jack.

"Yes." Ianto confirmed his fear. "Right in the middle of the runway at Cardiff International Airport. It ran into the terminal building and went amok in W H Smiths. Apparently it didn't even take the Maltesers or Crunchies out of their packets before it ate them." He hesitated.

"So why was Owen shouting at you?" asked Jack, curiously.

"Because they couldn't get out of the carpark!" snapped Ianto.

"What?"

"You heard. They couldn't get the SUV out of the carpark. That was the picture that Owen was transmitting to my phone. Him swiping the plastic pass against the strip reader, but the garage door wouldn't open. Sometimes, having a tightly secure secret facility works against us you know." He glared at Jack defiantly.

"But why wouldn't it work?" Jack kept his voice even, and his demeanour calm.

"Because the bloody magnetic strip on the card was demagnetized. That's why. I'd had the SUV out yesterday to go shopping and when I got back, I put the garage card in my pocket while I unloaded. It was in the same pocket that the magnets were in and it deactivated the strip on the card. It was only there for a few seconds. Just a few." His last sentence was plaintive.

Jack started to laugh. He couldn't help himself. The look on Ianto's face, a mixture of anger for his own stupidity, trepidation at having to face Tosh and Owen when they got back, and the knowledge that he was now going to have to deal with a huge coverup at Cardiff Airport all passed across his face in quick succession.

"Come on then," said Jack. "We've got some work to do. We'd better get back to the Hub and rescue the others, then go sort out the Hogweasel." He gestured for the waitress to come over with the bill, which came to a very reasonable six pounds and fifty pence.

"Damn!" said Jack, "I haven't got any change on me. And it's not worth putting this on the credit card, it is easier to claim it back from petty cash than to have to put in the credit card receipt."

Ianto sighed longsufferingly. "No, you never do have any change, do you? Ever!"

Jack smiled knowingly. "Well, I've found that over the years, change rattling around in my pockets tends to wear out the linings."

Ianto stood up and put his hand in his pocket. Then he patted down his other pockets to no avail. "Sorry Jack, it is going to have to be the credit card after all. I've come out without my wallet."

"No problem." replied Jack, smiling what he hoped was a winning smile at the waitress, who wasn't looking very pleased at the idea of using a credit card for such a small amount. She went back to the counter to fetch the credit card reader.

Jack reached into the inside pocket of his jacket to fetch the Torchwood corporate credit card. It was issued in the name of "John Smith". The beguiling smile suddenly fell from his face as his hand came out gripping both the credit card and the space magnets.

"How long did you say?" he hissed at Ianto. "How long were the magnets in your pocket with the carpark pass?"

"It was only took a few seconds. They are very powerful magnets."

"And what do you suppose these bloody things will have done to my credit card?" asked Jack.

"Exactly the same as they did to the carpark pass." said Ianto, miserably.

Jack turned back to the waitress and attempted another smile, without quite making it. "I am really sorry miss," he said politely "but we don't seem to have the wherewithal to actually pay for our meals. I don't suppose that you would be interested in having my young friend here help you with a spot of washing up in the kitchen?"

**End**

* * *

Guess who had to go to the bank at lunchtime to order a new ATM card - and why!


End file.
